it's not working

i feel like it's not working...or am i exaggerating it? an hour and a half ago i woke up because the phone was ringing. i am in manila right now and i have an early meeting with a client later. i hurriedly answered the phone because i didn't want anyone to wake up. plus if someone is calling you at 12 midnight it had better be an emergency!

as it turns out it was my loving husband who just wanted to say something about our trip to malaysia. i sensed sarcasm in his voice when i told him i was sleeping already. he didn't know that i have an early appointment with a client tom. i was still too sleepy to think of those things. he said that he was so used to me sleeping in the morning like 3 or 4 am. he tried calling my cell but i wasn't picking up the phone. (of course i was sleeping!)

i was pissed off because i never liked it when someone disturbs me when im sleeping. for me i feel that sleep is very important and i respect a person's sleeping time. now i cannot go back to sleep because of annoyance. i asked him if he went drinking. he reasoned out that he had too because he had to convince everybody to go around my schedule. (of course i am always the bitch that they have to bend their schedules for).

he was angry too when we put down the phone. he said he worked his ass off the whole day, convinced everybody that they should go to malaysia around the same time that our family will be in malaysia. said that i don't give him enough credit for doing those things. leche! who wanted to go to malaysia in the first place? if i were to choose, i'd rather stay in manila or somewhere in the phils where it is cheaper and much closer.

now i'm thinking...we just started talking again last week. i'll give him credit for going to hong kong and reaching out so that we can talk about our unresolved issues. then this again? i don't know...i don't know...at the end he was asking me to think and tell him in the morning if i still want to push through with this malaysia thing. what if i say no?

i loved you

i loved you for who you were when you were with me
not for what you have or what you have to offer to others...

i loved you for what you were when i didn't know you
and i didn't know anything about them...

i loved how you treated me and never let me go
i hated though how you treated me when everything went wrong and we had to let go...

you brought out the best in me
and the best bitch i could ever be...

now i ask myself...
did i really love you
when i didn't really know you?