Last March 28, 2009 not known to everybody…I had a transplant. I now have a new heart in addition to my old heart. I had a heterotopic procedure in which my old heart was left in to support the donor heart (God’s heart). I wasn’t aware of it at first but amazing things started to happen..everything went according to His plan. He fixed my schedule and chose people that I was supposed to meet in order to support me and help me as I underwent my rehabilitation. One needs a rehabilitation after having a transplant.

My new heart is great. It is a state-of-the-art heart that can make you see things through it. Cool huh? Not only do I have another heart to support my own heart but I also have eyes in my heart to see things from a different point of view.
At work I started to work differently. I was working as if God was watching me. With the way I used to work before I could be likened to a horse that has blinders. I walk a straight line from point A (Galley A) to point B (Galley B) without looking down on the floor. I wasn’t that bad…my peripheral vision could reach up to the level of the passengers. Please don’t get me wrong…I was a good person before and I would attend to passengers’ requests but I wouldn’t do the extra extra things.

What are the extra extra things for me? When I had my new heart I saw the floor! I used to not see the floor most especially the trash that goes along with it. I realized that my new heart was working when I started to notice the trash on the floor. I would pass it at first but after a few seconds I would come back to pick it up. After a few times of ignoring the trash at first and then later coming back to get it…I realized I was just tiring myself. Why not pick it up the moment I see it? That’s what I do now.

My new heart comes with an X-ray vision! It fails to see what is on the outside but what is truly essential which is invisible to the eyes (credits to the book The Little Prince). I have to admit I used to be judgmental. Funny how in our world we find it cool to criticize others or just assess other people. People are measured by their looks and how they present themselves. It is ingrained in our culture and perfectly normal to look at people’s clothes, accessories and bags and use them as a measuring stick. Sad. I used to measure men that way too…in high school by their shoes…in college by their cars…and after college their achievements and social standing.

This new heart doesn’t come with a measuring stick…it knows no unit of measurement even. I now see beyond riches and fame…outer coverings and facades. Because in the eyes of my heart people are not measured by what they have or what they do…but accepted as to how God sees and values them.

It comes with a little setback though…it has an extra sensitive connection with my tear ducts. I cry to almost anything that tugs my new heart. I cry when I’m sad…I cry when I’m happy…I cry when I see something bad…I cry at stories. It really doesn’t take a lot to make me cry nowadays but please don’t try it just for fun.
I have a confession to make…I asked God to give me a heart that grieves whatever grieves Him. That explains the crying.

I am still discovering a lot about my new heart and I am excited to unfold the mysteries that it holds…

the irony of it all

I was so tired the other night after doing a turn around flight...translated in layman's terms -- flying from hong kong to a destination and back again on the same day. When I reached Hong kong I went straight to the check in counter for Crew and other non-revenue passengers and was glad to find out that the flight was open...translated -- I can go straight to the normal passenger's counter and check in for the flight back to Manila.

I asked for any seat closest to the exit since I didn't have any checked-in bags with me...translated -- faster deplaning and faster getting out of the airport. I was able to get the first row window seat in economy...translated -- good because i can get off right away and i am not in between two people so if i decide to sleep it won't be that awkward leaning on the window.

While i was queueing up at the boarding gate i saw a colleague and we talked about how tired we were and decided on sleeping instead of eating. Talked about how we cannot get back to sleep once the crew wakes us up to ask if we are going to have our meal...or more aptly called "snack". Then i was puzzled when i gave my boarding pass to the lady at the boarding gate. She said they changed my seat..."Oh bummer...not a middle seat please" i said to myself. I was surprised to see that they gave me a business class seat. Rest...ahhh...God knows i need some rest. Now i can really fall asleep. When i got on board i found out it was the old business class seats...nonetheless still business class and no seatmate! ahhh simple joys. :)

I was thankful for my blessing. Then after eating I saw one ISM (Chief Purser) and the operating ISM looking for someone when they approached me. They asked me to look for this certain crew whom i know of. I looked around and saw no other crew in business class but me and one crew who gave a business class ticket so she has all the right to be there in business class. I then proceeded to economy...oh my...i saw everyone at the back...maybe ten of them. I had to see it in my own eyes...it was meant for me to go to the back and see that I was the only one upgraded. Thank you God...You really know what I need even before I ask You.

This is the funny part...while boarding i saw two non-operating ISM's in business class stowing their bags in the overhead lockers. I overheard one saying to the other "Hindi ba pwedeng sa baba na lang to? Baka mabali likod natin nito." haha...the irony of all ironies...i thought to myself "shouldn't be the ISM's be the first ones to know what is black and white when it comes to safety?

I am not judging them...i just found it funny and ironic at the same time...which led me to think -- what was that all about? hard-headedness? brattiness? ego-tripping?

Sometimes we are like that when it comes to drawing the line on sin. We know so well that it is forbidden but we try to reason out or justify anyway.

"Just one kiss is okay...at least it's not fornication." We play with fire because you are just lighting a match anyway...it's not as if you are going to set the house on fire or anything like that.
"What it if i went out with my husband's friend? I know he fancies me but I don't fancy him anyway...and it's just lunch!"

We justify our needs. "I badly needed some money so I got a few bucks from my mom's wallet...just a few bucks won't hurt...she has a lot more anyway, i bet she won't even notice it!"
We prioritize our convenience over principles. "Oh no I got caught by the police and I am really running late. I will give him some money just this time. I'm sure his family needs it and he will be so happy."

We even justify our actions that we will do more good than harm! "There is nothing wrong with buying fake DVD's...I am giving the owner good business! Imagine how much I can help him.?" Yeah...right!

There is no grey area when it comes to God. A sin is a sin no matter how small...how tiny...how minute your sin is. It's either you are with God or you are against God.

"You shall have no other gods before me." (Exodus 20:3)

"See now that I myself am He! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand" (Deuteronomy 32:39)

"Listen to me, O Jacob, Israel, whom I have called: I am he; I am the first and I am the last. (Isaiah 48:12)

"Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him." (Mark 12:32)

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." (John 17:3)

somewhere over the rainbow

Last Wednesday I was on the plane with Irene back to Hong Kong from Manila when we saw a rainbow...Wow!!!...I had to take a photo of it. As the plane moved...and the clouds moved...and the earth moved...I could never take a picture of it twice. It was always different.

It's amazing how you can pass the same way twice but never pass it in the same way. You can read the same book twice but you can have a different interpretation or reflection each time.

I started reading the Bible again from the beginning for the very first time since I can't remember when. I've studied a lot of the things about it from kinder to college. I've read numerous books in the middle but I only started reading the beginning of the Bible yesterday after so many years. You know how it is when you think you know it already that you won't even bother to read it again? That was my sentiment on Genesis. I have been reading Genesis over and over again on my kids' children's Bible. I would sing that song with that intro about creation in my car when I used to party a lot. That was Genesis to me.

I was in San Francisco yesterday when I decided to try reading Genesis. It never dawned to me how wonderful it is to picture in my mind how God created the earth and everything on it. I felt the love that God has for man giving him the authority to rule over all creatures that move along the ground.

I felt bad when God found out about Adam and Eve's disobedience. They disobeyed His command for them not to eat from the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden.
I felt sad when God laid down the consequences of Eve's act on women. I really think childbirth is one of the most painful experience a woman could ever have.

I felt doubly sad when God ordered Noah to build an ark because He was going to send a great flood that would wipe out all mankind except Noah's family and a pair of every creature on earth. It was during those times that man was extremely wicked that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was ONLY evil all the time. It read..."The Lord was grieved that He had made man on the earth, and His heart was filled with pain." (Genesis 6:6)

I thought that was really sad...I felt like I disappointed God even if I was not the one who caused that pain. Pain for me is intense hurt...and pain in the heart is a grave kind of pain. And on this verse it said that "The Lord was grieved that He had made man on the earth" that for me reads...God for a moment there somehow had regrets that He created man. Oh dear.

But once you get to know the true nature of God and how loving He is, you will then come to realize that He is always ready to forgive you with open arms and make amends. That is why when He saw the goodness in Noah He was ready for a new start with him and his family. He didn't think of risking his relationship again with man and taking the chance of getting hurt again. He didn't think of what man could possibly do again with the authority and freedom that is being given to them. Instead He saw a new beginning.

When I read these verses when God was talking to Noah...I saw the real beauty of the rainbow. I will definitely never look at the rainbow in the same way ever again...

"I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."

So God said to Noah, "This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth." (Genesis 9:13-17)

My 2008 Christmas Wish List

Dear Santa,

I know that the Pastor said in the service yesterday that you are not real but I still believe in you...i have been a good gurl...sorta...and i know you will grant me my wishes this Christmas. Here is my Christmas Wish List:

1. 20 pounds off my weight
2. 10 years off my age
3. turn back time ummm....maybe 8 years back? harharhar!
4. 1 M USD ha...if you prefer EURO that's ok with me
5. a sea ray 680 sun sport yacht
6. a mansion in Mykonos, Naples, Santorini, Monaco and Nice if you want to throw in an island in Fiji Island please feel free to do so.
7. super powered metabolism so i can eat anything that i want whenever
8. eradicate corruption and poverty in this country (cool huh?!)
9. make my kids not grow up anymore...they are so cute!
10. World Peace

If you cannot give me all of the things that I mentioned above...it's okay, i would understand...even one item would suffice. Thanks!

love ya,

Miles

spring cleaning

sometimes it is better not to know things so that you don't get hurt...
sometimes it is better for you not to see things so that you don't get affected...
sometimes it is better that you are dumb or insensitive so that you don't know...
sometimes you just know...

it took me 36 years to realize that i have a gift. to be continued...

leave me alone

I have learned something today. I have learned that no matter how much you love someone or how much you want to be with someone...you can never ask them to love you back or make them want you too.

I went through a phase not too long ago...I saw an old flame and something ignited the old feeling buried deep inside. I thought the flame was long doused in water. I went dizzy and disoriented for a moment there but got back to my senses after some time. Good thing the flame didn’t spread like the wild fires of Santa Barbara. I was lucky to be surrounded with Holy Water. Hahaha! My experience this week was a wake up call...I realized I was like kind of this guy...a pathetic loser who was yearning for someone who didn't want him in return. This is my story...

Last week I received a couple of missed calls from my ex and messages. Our common friend kept on bugging me too...trying to find ways on how to get a response from me. I ignored all their calls and text messages. I didn’t buy any of their excuses to see me or pretentions of inquiring about parties just so that they would get a text from me.

Just the other day I saw a crystal ball and I saw that good things were coming my way next year. As an act of charity I decided to meet up with my ex just to close that chapter of the book. He said he wouldn’t mind if we had company if it would make me feel more comfortable. Then he asked for me to change the venue because he felt like going to a karaoke place. Fine. I even gave in when he said he couldn’t go to Makati because he didn’t have his transpo with him (whatever that transpo meant “bmx”? hahaha! I’m so mean). I was being nice to him and bending a little just to get this done and over with. I want him out of my life for good and if it would take me going to greenhills and singing karaoke with him that is fine. Of course I invited the dog and the mouse with me...the cat will never be alone. I also told my other best friend where I would be...just in case.

3 hours before we met he started reconfirming again. Gawd!!! This guy is starting to get annoying. He was changing the plans and saying that he preferred that we be alone. Then he started revealing that he is actually scared to see me because he still has feelings for me and it will never go away so he wanted us not to have any pretentions. What pretentions was he talking about? I never pretended to be anything but nice?! And he was like giving me an ultimatum that if I didn’t want to then this is my last chance to say no. Say no to what???!!! I was so confused and annoyed both at the same time. Then he said when the time comes that I am decided to see him again I should just text him. Say whaaaattt???! Am I missing out on something here? Didn’t I agree on seeing him tonight or what? So I am the one to blame now? What is this crap? The ball is in my court now? How did that happen? Then he ended with "that is enough for me".

I turned it around and told him my piece. He vowed never to bother me again and said that he found his closure. Good! I doubt it though...never found mine! harharhar! I wished him love and peace with Jesus’ guidance. And ended with God bless. I think that was powerful enough to seal the deal.

I therefore conclude that I am lucky because I have my friends who know me yet love me for who I am. My family who doesn’t have any choice but to love me... and my own family who love me without me asking for it.

my 10 guilty pleasures (Part 1)

my secret guilty pleasures...

1. sprinkling oil na pinaglutuan ng fried spam, pork chop, fried chicken, tinapa or anything fried over rice and patis or seasoning. graaaabeee!!! i'm drooling!
2. rice with cream of mushroom soup with caviar and lemon. aaarrrghhhh!!!!
3. freshly brewed coffee with cream and dark chocolate pralines or truffles
4. salmon roll topped with lots of japanese mayo...yummm!!!!
5. anything with lots of whipped cream...
6. chocolate souffle at max brenner...hot chocolate at cafe breton...thick hot chocolate drink at mc cafe in rome italy...teuscher truffles in ifc mall
7. garlic rice with knorr seasoning
8. cheese...i'm lactose intolerant so it's my guilty pleasure
9. oysters...a dozen everyday
10. deep fried taba ng baboy....groooowwwwllllll!!!!!!!!