leave me alone

I have learned something today. I have learned that no matter how much you love someone or how much you want to be with someone...you can never ask them to love you back or make them want you too.

I went through a phase not too long ago...I saw an old flame and something ignited the old feeling buried deep inside. I thought the flame was long doused in water. I went dizzy and disoriented for a moment there but got back to my senses after some time. Good thing the flame didn’t spread like the wild fires of Santa Barbara. I was lucky to be surrounded with Holy Water. Hahaha! My experience this week was a wake up call...I realized I was like kind of this guy...a pathetic loser who was yearning for someone who didn't want him in return. This is my story...

Last week I received a couple of missed calls from my ex and messages. Our common friend kept on bugging me too...trying to find ways on how to get a response from me. I ignored all their calls and text messages. I didn’t buy any of their excuses to see me or pretentions of inquiring about parties just so that they would get a text from me.

Just the other day I saw a crystal ball and I saw that good things were coming my way next year. As an act of charity I decided to meet up with my ex just to close that chapter of the book. He said he wouldn’t mind if we had company if it would make me feel more comfortable. Then he asked for me to change the venue because he felt like going to a karaoke place. Fine. I even gave in when he said he couldn’t go to Makati because he didn’t have his transpo with him (whatever that transpo meant “bmx”? hahaha! I’m so mean). I was being nice to him and bending a little just to get this done and over with. I want him out of my life for good and if it would take me going to greenhills and singing karaoke with him that is fine. Of course I invited the dog and the mouse with me...the cat will never be alone. I also told my other best friend where I would be...just in case.

3 hours before we met he started reconfirming again. Gawd!!! This guy is starting to get annoying. He was changing the plans and saying that he preferred that we be alone. Then he started revealing that he is actually scared to see me because he still has feelings for me and it will never go away so he wanted us not to have any pretentions. What pretentions was he talking about? I never pretended to be anything but nice?! And he was like giving me an ultimatum that if I didn’t want to then this is my last chance to say no. Say no to what???!!! I was so confused and annoyed both at the same time. Then he said when the time comes that I am decided to see him again I should just text him. Say whaaaattt???! Am I missing out on something here? Didn’t I agree on seeing him tonight or what? So I am the one to blame now? What is this crap? The ball is in my court now? How did that happen? Then he ended with "that is enough for me".

I turned it around and told him my piece. He vowed never to bother me again and said that he found his closure. Good! I doubt it though...never found mine! harharhar! I wished him love and peace with Jesus’ guidance. And ended with God bless. I think that was powerful enough to seal the deal.

I therefore conclude that I am lucky because I have my friends who know me yet love me for who I am. My family who doesn’t have any choice but to love me... and my own family who love me without me asking for it.