My 2008 Christmas Wish List

Dear Santa,

I know that the Pastor said in the service yesterday that you are not real but I still believe in you...i have been a good gurl...sorta...and i know you will grant me my wishes this Christmas. Here is my Christmas Wish List:

1. 20 pounds off my weight
2. 10 years off my age
3. turn back time ummm....maybe 8 years back? harharhar!
4. 1 M USD ha...if you prefer EURO that's ok with me
5. a sea ray 680 sun sport yacht
6. a mansion in Mykonos, Naples, Santorini, Monaco and Nice if you want to throw in an island in Fiji Island please feel free to do so.
7. super powered metabolism so i can eat anything that i want whenever
8. eradicate corruption and poverty in this country (cool huh?!)
9. make my kids not grow up anymore...they are so cute!
10. World Peace

If you cannot give me all of the things that I mentioned above...it's okay, i would understand...even one item would suffice. Thanks!

love ya,

Miles

spring cleaning

sometimes it is better not to know things so that you don't get hurt...
sometimes it is better for you not to see things so that you don't get affected...
sometimes it is better that you are dumb or insensitive so that you don't know...
sometimes you just know...

it took me 36 years to realize that i have a gift. to be continued...

leave me alone

I have learned something today. I have learned that no matter how much you love someone or how much you want to be with someone...you can never ask them to love you back or make them want you too.

I went through a phase not too long ago...I saw an old flame and something ignited the old feeling buried deep inside. I thought the flame was long doused in water. I went dizzy and disoriented for a moment there but got back to my senses after some time. Good thing the flame didn’t spread like the wild fires of Santa Barbara. I was lucky to be surrounded with Holy Water. Hahaha! My experience this week was a wake up call...I realized I was like kind of this guy...a pathetic loser who was yearning for someone who didn't want him in return. This is my story...

Last week I received a couple of missed calls from my ex and messages. Our common friend kept on bugging me too...trying to find ways on how to get a response from me. I ignored all their calls and text messages. I didn’t buy any of their excuses to see me or pretentions of inquiring about parties just so that they would get a text from me.

Just the other day I saw a crystal ball and I saw that good things were coming my way next year. As an act of charity I decided to meet up with my ex just to close that chapter of the book. He said he wouldn’t mind if we had company if it would make me feel more comfortable. Then he asked for me to change the venue because he felt like going to a karaoke place. Fine. I even gave in when he said he couldn’t go to Makati because he didn’t have his transpo with him (whatever that transpo meant “bmx”? hahaha! I’m so mean). I was being nice to him and bending a little just to get this done and over with. I want him out of my life for good and if it would take me going to greenhills and singing karaoke with him that is fine. Of course I invited the dog and the mouse with me...the cat will never be alone. I also told my other best friend where I would be...just in case.

3 hours before we met he started reconfirming again. Gawd!!! This guy is starting to get annoying. He was changing the plans and saying that he preferred that we be alone. Then he started revealing that he is actually scared to see me because he still has feelings for me and it will never go away so he wanted us not to have any pretentions. What pretentions was he talking about? I never pretended to be anything but nice?! And he was like giving me an ultimatum that if I didn’t want to then this is my last chance to say no. Say no to what???!!! I was so confused and annoyed both at the same time. Then he said when the time comes that I am decided to see him again I should just text him. Say whaaaattt???! Am I missing out on something here? Didn’t I agree on seeing him tonight or what? So I am the one to blame now? What is this crap? The ball is in my court now? How did that happen? Then he ended with "that is enough for me".

I turned it around and told him my piece. He vowed never to bother me again and said that he found his closure. Good! I doubt it though...never found mine! harharhar! I wished him love and peace with Jesus’ guidance. And ended with God bless. I think that was powerful enough to seal the deal.

I therefore conclude that I am lucky because I have my friends who know me yet love me for who I am. My family who doesn’t have any choice but to love me... and my own family who love me without me asking for it.

my 10 guilty pleasures (Part 1)

my secret guilty pleasures...

1. sprinkling oil na pinaglutuan ng fried spam, pork chop, fried chicken, tinapa or anything fried over rice and patis or seasoning. graaaabeee!!! i'm drooling!
2. rice with cream of mushroom soup with caviar and lemon. aaarrrghhhh!!!!
3. freshly brewed coffee with cream and dark chocolate pralines or truffles
4. salmon roll topped with lots of japanese mayo...yummm!!!!
5. anything with lots of whipped cream...
6. chocolate souffle at max brenner...hot chocolate at cafe breton...thick hot chocolate drink at mc cafe in rome italy...teuscher truffles in ifc mall
7. garlic rice with knorr seasoning
8. cheese...i'm lactose intolerant so it's my guilty pleasure
9. oysters...a dozen everyday
10. deep fried taba ng baboy....groooowwwwllllll!!!!!!!!

isn't it too late for Halloween?

I thought dead people are not to be seen again until the second coming of Christ??? Then can someone please explain why do I have to be notified of sightings of someone that I buried so many times already? Just the other day I received a message from the mouse that it saw the dead came to life at the mall. How could that be possible? And why did the mouse see the dead person there? Could it be that it was in the spirit of Halloween? But Halloween has been long gone...it’s been more than two weeks already. Well, I just shrugged my shoulders and said “Oh well...sometimes people...like warts keep on reappearing.” Hahaha!!!

This is what makes it worse...this morning as I was attempting to clean up the attic and organize the mountain of clutter...I found my way to my old training manuals and paper clippings. I was excited, surprised, shocked and afraid all at the same time when I found a compilation of songs that I was fond of at one phase in my life. The songs were:
Before I fall in love
Dreaming of You
Strong Enough
To my astonishment on the fourth page was a transcript saved from an ICQ log last November 15, 1999... exactly 9 years and 2 days from today. Just before my Paris flight last Nov 13, my proverbial signs started appearing once more. I tried to brush it off...I saw one or two more in Paris...I really cannot remember because I didn’t want to pay attention anymore. I felt like if I ignored it...it will just go away. But no...this transcript reopened old wounds. As I cannot cut and paste the whole thing here, let me just explain what was the gist of the whole conversation.

I was chatting with my boyfriend at that time and it was all about how he was apologizing for not telling me that he was still attached at that time that we were going out...it was the first time that I found out about it. The chat log showed how I was so trusting and so unaware of the series of unfortunate events that awaits me. I would be a hypocrite if I was to say that I didn’t get “kilig” while I was reading it. It brought me to that certain time 9 years ago. I was so sure of myself and I looked at him as a shy and not-all-that kind of guy. I underestimated him when I measured him as someone who is not capable of turning my world upside down. If you were to read the log...it showed how I was still so in control of my feelings. We were still new then that’s why...but things happened so fast so soon with us. It was like a whirlwind that struck me like a deadly tornado. It was so fast and it cut so deep.

What made me shake my head was the promises that he made to me...men...why do they have to complicate our lives? Now, what? I hope to not see any more signs or more so sightings of him. Let me be in peace...or chaos...whatever suits your fancy...just let me be...

Me??? Paranoid??? Never!!!!....wanna admit it!

What is it with men and women? Just today my ever loving (ubo ubo uboooooo!!!!!) husband was bugging me about this stag party for his high school friend. He asked me so many times and as usual I just shrugged my shoulders to keep things safe. That is our normal routine...he would ask my opinion about something, I would say something that I had in mind or just say “ikaw” “it’s up to you” “ewan” or simply shrug my shoulders. He could never get a good answer from me. More often than not I know so well what he wants me to say but I will not say it...I will never get caught saying what is needed to be heard from me...unless I need something *snicker* *snicker*!!!

Back to my topic for today’s dilemma...the stag party was tonight (which I completely forgot due to my Alzheimer’s and thanks to my mom for reminding me that it was tonight). It’s not a big deal to me REALLY honest to God. I allow my husband to go to girly bars if he needs to (or so he says) and look at other women as long as it just admiration or en passing lust...they say that according to my star sign I am “the jealous type”...sometimes I try to deny that but I am territorial at times. I’m not stupid...anything that is too much or too little is bad. So I am open to things but to a point.

I was tinkering with my husband’s computer (which I gave as a present) because mine (which my friend gave me as a present) was slower and there’s something wrong with the graphics...thanks to jac...when I thought of uploading some pictures from my husband’s files. I was shocked to see pictures of babes in swimsuits and some were topless. The title was Doki which lead me to think that it came from my neighbour (that pervert!!!) nah...he is a decent guy...but he is just being a guy I guess. Then...I was just reminded that my husband was in a stag party!!! O.M.G!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha! The paranoid side of me was awakened once again!!! That green-eyed monster crept out of it’s well secured cage! Damn it!

So I just lovingly sent a text message saying “Make sure na yung gagawin mo dyan sa party ok lang sayo kung gagawin ko din. ;) “ then I was in a state or nirvana once more. Sometimes if you can’t get assurance from your partner...scare them to get your assurance! Hahaha!!!

After an hour my phone was ringing...he was on his way to his friend’s house in greenhills where he will have a nightcap with his best friend. He talked about how the overflowing sluts were high on ecstasy fucking each other and how this one girl just kept on following her everywhere...how he went to one room and asked the girl to strip so they can take pictures of her with a couple of men in the room (or so he says)...he was even daring me to see the pictures (as if I will chicken out!). I don’t know which of the stories were true. I don’t know the details that he opted not to share with me. I don’t know what happened there in that stag party. It’s not that I don’t care...it just feels good that at the end of the day you know damn well that whatever happened there...you can do it too!!!

Make love...not peace!!!

p.s.
it reminded me of the mouse's question
about me being sure that my husband
doesn't watch videos or read porn materials
i guess she knew my answer last night when
we ate out in pasay road...and this proves
it more to be true.

what's important?

do you jump for joy when someone gives you a car? do you feel elated when someone gives you a house? do you get all excited when you see actors, singers and other performers? i don't...what's wrong with me?

it was kinda scary when it happened to me...i realized i was different when my dad gave me my second car. the first one was exciting. the second one was like nothing...i would liken it to your parent giving you your allowance. i have to know if i am normal...if this is a normal reaction of someone who receives something of value. it's not that i don't value the things that was given to me...please don't get me wrong but it felt like it was "no big deal". are you like that too?

in college i would entertain some of the entertainers before they would perform at the school fair but i never got starstruck. i am trying hard to remember if i was ever starstruck on someone. i would get conscious when i'm talking to certain people but not to performers. politicians has the capacity to do that to me and one normal person but i still wonder why up to this day.

when i lost something dear and expensive last christmas season, i got sad simply because i was meaning to give it to my daughter. but when i came to think about it...it was just a thing. i find it weird that it is to my advantage that i don't see the value of things when i feel like it...it is disconcerting at the same time because does it mean then that i don't value things?!

it is hard to really tell the value of things...is it the price? is it the sentiment? is it the way the society values it that you are supposed to follow? tell me because i really don't know. sometimes when you are bombarded with so many things in life and so many choices...you lose the real essense of what is valuable. so tell me please...

to veneers or not to veneers

I have always thought that cosmetic surgery is not for me...as long as it is not necessary for me to do it then I wouldn’t. Unfortunately, I was not blessed with a good set of teeth. When I had my permanent teeth my two front teeth got chipped off right in the middle...right where they met. A filling, root canal and two crowns after I was confronted with a decision that would change my point of view...somehow.

Winter of 2007 I was bothered by a slight pain on my left front tooth. I tried to withstand the pain but it was annoying like a fly that just wouldn’t go away. I finally decided to confront my problem head on. I have decided that since I am going to get my root canal redone...why not have my crowns changed as well? If I was going to have my crowns changed...why not go the extra mile and have veneers instead? You see, it’s a vicious cycle that will never stop. It’s just like love and addiction...(they’re both bad by the way) you know you want to see the person, once you see the person and you kissed, might as well kiss torridly since you’re gonna kiss that person anyway...why not go all the way instead? Hahaha! What a comparison!

Anyway, I had my veneers done and if you were to ask me...I won’t do it if I had a perfectly normal teeth. No matter if your teeth is yellowish or a little bit crooked. The experience was very unpleasant. It was taxing and ate up a lot of my time. I also felt violated when the dentist filed my teeth ruthlessly swift as if it was just a task that he had to do. The weirdest feeling of all was when your whole mouth is still sedated with anesthesia and they would ask you to spit...how on earth could you spit when you can’t even feel your freaking lips? Go figure.

Just to give you a better picture as to how time consuming it was let me give you a rough time line:

1st visit – you will have “the talk” with the wife of the dentist selling you the services/products. The dentist will give you a face analysis and take a picture of your teeth for evaluation.
2nd visit – you would have decided by then since you came back and go on with the process and choose the plan and service that you prefer. They will cast a mold of your existing teeth.
3rd visit – root canal or other services had to be done before removing all the previous crowns and filing of the teeth.
4th visit – removing of crowns and filing of the teeth. Contouring of the gums (if needed). Attachment of temporary veneers.
5th visit – I forgot what I did but I remember they polished my temp veneers too.
6th visit – attachment of the permanent veneers.
7th visit – adjustment of the permanent veneers. Requested to redo my tooth it was too short.
8th visit – adjustment of veneers and attachment of redone tooth.
9th visit – adjustment of veneers due to teeth sensitivity.

And so on and so forth. I thought the sensitivity has gone down. I only felt it when it was really cold in the plane and there was a whiff of cold air while my mouth was open. I do feel better and feel more confident when I smile...but if I was given a choice, nothing beats genuine teeth.

it's all coming back it's all coming back to me now

i don't know why...but for some reason almost all of my exes are now in facebook (i deleted one though). hahaha! they have found me or i have found them. whatever it is, they are here right now. watching my every move and wondering...where the heck is my husband? hahahahahahaha! well, they don't have to look that far...of course my husband is in my other facebook account! i believe you can't mix business with pleasure. hehehe

just last night i bumped into a friend of mine whom i had a little crush on. or was it a lot? i wouldn't know...it's been ages. i just find it weird that recently most of the men in my past have been resurfacing from the grave. whycome?

if you know the answer please let me know...

it's not working

i feel like it's not working...or am i exaggerating it? an hour and a half ago i woke up because the phone was ringing. i am in manila right now and i have an early meeting with a client later. i hurriedly answered the phone because i didn't want anyone to wake up. plus if someone is calling you at 12 midnight it had better be an emergency!

as it turns out it was my loving husband who just wanted to say something about our trip to malaysia. i sensed sarcasm in his voice when i told him i was sleeping already. he didn't know that i have an early appointment with a client tom. i was still too sleepy to think of those things. he said that he was so used to me sleeping in the morning like 3 or 4 am. he tried calling my cell but i wasn't picking up the phone. (of course i was sleeping!)

i was pissed off because i never liked it when someone disturbs me when im sleeping. for me i feel that sleep is very important and i respect a person's sleeping time. now i cannot go back to sleep because of annoyance. i asked him if he went drinking. he reasoned out that he had too because he had to convince everybody to go around my schedule. (of course i am always the bitch that they have to bend their schedules for).

he was angry too when we put down the phone. he said he worked his ass off the whole day, convinced everybody that they should go to malaysia around the same time that our family will be in malaysia. said that i don't give him enough credit for doing those things. leche! who wanted to go to malaysia in the first place? if i were to choose, i'd rather stay in manila or somewhere in the phils where it is cheaper and much closer.

now i'm thinking...we just started talking again last week. i'll give him credit for going to hong kong and reaching out so that we can talk about our unresolved issues. then this again? i don't know...i don't know...at the end he was asking me to think and tell him in the morning if i still want to push through with this malaysia thing. what if i say no?

i loved you

i loved you for who you were when you were with me
not for what you have or what you have to offer to others...

i loved you for what you were when i didn't know you
and i didn't know anything about them...

i loved how you treated me and never let me go
i hated though how you treated me when everything went wrong and we had to let go...

you brought out the best in me
and the best bitch i could ever be...

now i ask myself...
did i really love you
when i didn't really know you?

Dino and Toni closed for summer

tough luck! i arrived sheraton roma in rome on a monday. took a nap and met up with my colleague. we were meaning to go to warner village for a pizza in this very good pizzeria. it was a good thing that we asked the front desk before heading out. we learned that the pizzeria is closed on mondays. bummer!

we ended up ordering food by the pool at the hotel. the ambience was really nice. the weather was perfect and the company of my colleague was comforting. the red wine that i ordered was not that great it costs €12 raim merlot. the iceberg and rocket salad €12 didn't have any rockets in it. i had to ask the waiter for the missing rockets. i thought it flew off to outerspace.

for my main course i ordered for pasta with tuna, olives and capers €18. it was nothing great and i was disappointed. all in all my rating would be a 4 out of 10. it was better than nothing i would say at least we satisfied our hunger pangs.

the next day we headed to the vatican to eat at Dino and Toni along Via Leone IV. We missed our stop and just trusted my nose. we asked around and found out after 30 minutes of walking that we were trodding the wrong path the whole time! it was not actually totally wrong but it would take us an hour and hundreds of steps if we would continue to tread the path that we were taking. it was totally my fault i admit. so i decided to hail a cab. the cab costs €10 and i was willing to pay it fully but my colleagues were insistent that we all share the cost.

finally we stopped in front of Dino and Toni...it was CLOSED!!! bugger!!! i took a closer look and it was just my luck that it was closed from August 04 - August 30 for the summer holidays. i was really looking forward to having that home cooked italian meal at dino and toni. they don't have a menu but the antipasti and pasta dishes that they will serve you will surely satisfy your discerning palate. the host is very accomodating as well even if he could not speak much english. the last time i was there they even offered us limoncello for free after the meal. we took pictures and tried to know each other thru little english and sign language. i was really really disappointed that it was closed. after all the walking and wasted time that we had to go through we ended up eating at the fast food next door. the food was lousy.

after looking at bags at via condotti (the main street where all the high end name brands are housed) snapping some pictures at the spanish steps, eating local gelato and buying a bag and wallet, we headed for our shuttle bus. while walking in via del corso (the main street) we were looking for the pizzeria where we were planning to get some pizza for take away. it was fucking closed!

all in all the experience was highly frustrating if not for the company of my funny and patient colleagues. hopefully the pizzeria at the warner village is open tonight where we will have our dinner...i'm keeping my fingers and my legs crossed.

i saw the sign!!!

yes! everyday i see signs wherever i go. sometimes i find it weird but most of the time i find it exciting it makes my heart skip a beat. i used to pass by these signs before and they never meant anything to me. now i pay more attention to them...i maybe even overly paying attention to them. it could not mean anything...or it could mean everything.

it makes me wonder if men pay attention to signs too? or is it just us women who overthink things and give meaning to any minute detail that come our way or happen to our lives that we account it to signs and significance. beats me...i'm a girl, how would i know?

gone fishing

it was a beautiful sunny day and the warmth of the sun kissed my skin. the day was not to be spent in front of the computer i said to myself. my days have been rolling along like the spinning wheel of a clock. it just kept on spinning around and around. passing the same way over and over again. i figured i was bored. time to do something exciting.

i asked my friend the mouse if she can go fishing with me. this mouse was a very busy mouse. day in and day out she would go out to find food. she was interested and so we went.

the first lake that we visited was huge...it boasted of pristine waters and well manicured bermuda grass with lush gardens. the flowers were oh so colorful and humongous. it was nothing like you've ever seen before. i am positive though that i have been here before. it was so familiar. the smell of the freshly cut grass and the sound of the artificial waterfalls at the farthest side of the lake. i remember being so fond of this lake fishing, swimming to beat the heat or just hanging out up until a migrating alligator spoiled the fun.

this time i have to be wary. i tested the water it was lukewarm. it was very inviting. though i wasn't quite sure if the water was really lukewarm at the deepest end or is it all throughout the lake. i went inside and felt that it was cold below. i could not stand the coldness so i had to get out of the water without catching a fish.

i was a bit hungry by noontime. i have decided that if by mid afternoon i have not caught any fish, i will head to this not so well known river. that would be my last resort. there i am certain that i will catch some fish. eventhough that river did not appear pleasant, i am sure that fish is bountiful there. at least i have a last resort i thought to myself.

mouse in tow we headed for this not-so-grand-looking lake but very inviting and homey at the same time. we felt at home right away and the prospects of catching a fish was great. the mouse didn't want any fish...she just wanted to watch me go for the kill. i normally catch fish with my bear hands or rather claws but this time i also brought my fishing rod along with me.

i was getting ready to go into the water when i stopped halfway. i could not possibly dive into the water. what in the world was i doing? i'm a cat! cats don't do that! but this lake had a hypnotizing effect on me. i was sinking little by little...inch by inch. i had to fight the overpowering effect that this lake has on me. i have to ask for help...

wait...mouse! mouse! mouse? why are you applauding me and cheering at me even? gosh! mouse thought i was a dog! mouse thought i was just waving at her! oh my gosh! what should i do?! cat's can't swim!!! when i said i can catch fish with my barehands, i catch them in the fish bowl! when i almost touched the bottom of the lake i paddled hard with my claws out and finally reached the surface again.

i was catching my breath when i was lying on the carabao grass with mouse.

"why didn't you save me or asked for help?" i asked mouse

"you looked good inside the lake. i thought you were lovin' it." replied the mouse

it was evening already. empty-handed i was not hungry anymore. i couldn't muster any enough energy to go to the river. the experience that i had in that second lake was too much to handle. i love fish but no thanks...i'll stick with fancy feast.

oh no!

it was a rude awakening. i heard his voice...is it true? could it be him? i opened my eyes. oh fuck! it was a familiar face but it wasn't him. then an old familiar feeling ran through my body. how could it be that after 8 years it's all coming back to me now?

i knew it...i made a mistake. why on earth do i have to dig into something that was well kept under the ground for so long? i don't understand. i am confused. why would i want to hurt myself all over again? why would i want to ride that rollercoaster ride again when i know that it has more and bigger loops now?

it is the mouse's fault. i have to stop now. i don't want this overwhelming feeling again. i can't. it's too much trouble. i'm fucked...again. tangina

a very curious cat

i am a curious cat. a very curious cat. i will not stay inside the house and check if that ugly slobbering dog is outside the house waiting for me. i'll risk the chase. i will have a distraction though. i have talked to the mouse and the mouse will step out of that door with me.

i would like to find out if that dog will scare me of or maybe i can scare him off. i might be bigger than that old dog for all i know. i have to prepare myself for this. i can't be taken down without a fight.

off for the chase.

what have i done?

oh no! what have i done?! i have opened pandora's box. i kept it hidden under the bed for so many years. it's been a while since i have last seen that box. i used to clean it all the time and try to pry it open to no avail. now...the time has come. it baffles me...what is inside that box? am i ready to see the revelation of this mysterious case? i have to admit...it scares me.

why are we so scared to find out the unknown? do we really want to know the truth? are we ready to embrace the spectacle of life being held inside the box? what is it that we truly want to know?

what's wrong with me? is daily life too hohum for me that i seek for adventure in that dark forbidden forest of the east. i shall find out for i am a curious cat.

delayed again...what's new?

darn it! why is does it always happen to me? our wake up call and pick up time has been delayed for 15 mins. i knew something fishy was going on. somehow i can sense that the delay will be more than that. somehow i could feel that when we get to jfk airport we will still need to wait for an hour or so. i know that the company is aware of the delay but for some reason want us out of the hotel and hang around at the airport.

the first time it happened to me, i was still in my hotel room all made up for the flight, when at 11:30am i didn't receive any wake up call. wtf?! we waited and waited and waited. good thing my friend the gullible sent me a big platter of quesadillas with edible orchids. i shared it with my colleagues of the same nationality (we stuck together on that flight). we didn't get any instructions from the company or the airport manager. at 6pm i was so worried about the rest of the crew who might be getting hungry because everybody was standing by their phones. i called the manager (who's running around like a headless chicken i suppose) and got the word that we were leaving the next day because of technical problems. we left the next day indeed.

the funny thing is, CBA regulations are very strict on the maximum flying time or duty time of crew members. our rest periods are essential to the safety of the flights. the more rested the crew are, the better they can function. the maximum duty time that we can operate is 19 hours and upon the captain's discretion it can be up to 21 hours.

when we got to the airport we were given food vouchers that we can use at the fast food shops. half of the crew decided to get mc donald's, the other half wanted to get starbucks. i went with starbucks. you guessed it...the young ones went to the other store and the older ones to the other. i won't tell at which age group i ended up going with...but you will know anyway. each of us were to spend $5.00 only, yay! that would go a long way! haha. i got a hot green tea to wake me up and a croissant just in case. after the last crew got her drink, there was still $8.00 left to spend since not everyone got to spend the whole $5.00 each. we got 2 brownies just to spend all the money.

finally after 3 hours of waiting at the airport the ground staff and the captain decided to let us rest at the closest hotel. he reasoned that we can either operate up until we reach korea or japan then another set of crew will take over and operate the rest of the leg, or stay at the nearest hotel and have a minimum of 10 hours of rest.

i would opt for the first one if you will ask me. i want to get to our base ASAP and catch a flight back home. i still have to set up for a party in one of the hotels. which reminds me, my partner will kill me for i have the decorations needed at the party. i just picked it up here in new york.

we were billeted at the best western kennedy inn. my gosh...the lobby so tiny that some of us had to stand outside of the hotel! it was about the size of one room. the front desk was totally not ready for us. we waited for more than 30 minutes to get our room keys. the elevator could fit 2 people and there was only one of them. no room service whatsoever. we were in the middle of nowhere. we are not familiar with this area so we have decided to either stay in the hotel and starve or go out together to grab some food.

i was lucky enough to have my croissant with me that i got from starbucks. i might need it for later. my only regret..i was thinking of filling up my small evian water before we left the doubletree hotel earlier and carry it with me. i decided not to because we have a lot of bottled water inflight anyway. that's what i thought! lesson learned.

now i have to get some rest (which started some 2 hours ago) and hopefully won't be getting hungry anytime soon. otherwise i'll chew on my nails...

the only good thing about this place...free internet! woo hoo! that's why i was able to upload this blog. thank you best western. you are not that bad after all.

just a dream

i should not have written a blog about you. now i still think about you.

okay let's see. if i get it out of my chest, maybe then you will go away. please go away?

now i will try to recall the moments that we shared that seemed like a dream.

first time i laid my eyes on you, i was at the tail of the plane at the farthest distance from you when you walked in. i spotted you right away. at 50 feet or so i could still make out your inexplicable regalness and towering good looks. you surely caught my eye. i made sure that within that 2 hours and a half flight i will find out something about you.

i instantly recognized your name. of course! it's printed in one of the country's denominations. now that made me more curious for i am a curious cat. my fascination grew when i talked to you.

after that first encounter, like my colleagues, i will just drool all over you whenever you are on board. you would make my day. you were just a dream.

i left my old job for greener pastures. one fateful night my phone rang and it was you at the other end of the line. you just don't know...you made my dream come true. funny how we talked for hours and met so many times. trying to hide our feelings from each other with the company of your employee.

the problem was...even if i was living the dream, it still felt like it was a dream. even if i was in it, i was still dreaming about it. the plane that you own and fly, the island, the car racing, i loved the excitement of knowing that i was travelling with you when you were campaigning for your dad as the president. you were my sport, my adrenaline rush.

i felt your sadness, i felt your fears, i even thought you would break down in tears. i loved you and how i loved that you loved me too. then i realized we were different. we could not possibly be together. you have your responsibilities and i have mine. the time was not right when we almost woke up to that deafening alarm.

i had to go. i had to let you go. i had to wake up from that deep slumber. i was hoping you'd wake up too.

but one night you came into my dream again. it was too late. i was in another person's dream. wrong dream i said right into your face. it was sad. up to this day i don't know if it was right for me to have woken up from that dream without you.

now i'm falling asleep. i beg you please not to get into my dreams again.

damn it

damn this internet. woke up in the middle of the night west coast time. i am still on east asian time. checked some blogs and more. why did i ever surf for articles about mr. oh? he is all over the internet. hmmm....must not think about him. must not.

an article read: In the Quick-8 heads up class, it was MR.OH who took home the win aboard his Mitsubishi Eclipse posting a 13.1 second pass dispatching DL's nitrous fed 13-second BMW M3 on the final round. Other Quick-8 qualifiers were MT, DM, TT. FC, DL’s Nissan Skyline.

wait...i remember this eclipse. he used to talk about this car.

a website read:
Project sponsor and major shareholders of project company
The sponsors of ABC are listed below. They are also the major shareholders of the company. PUDGY, Chairman of the Board (1.74%) -Mr. Pudgy has over 20 years of experience in the areas of technology and software design. He was one of the founders of PI and an early stage investor and serves on the Board of Advisors of I, Inc. Mr. Pudgy was formerly Director for e-commerce at S Microsystems in Asia-South. Mr. Pudgy spent 10 years at the Somecountry National Computer Board where he was Head of Planning and Communications for the Somecountry Government Computerisation. Currently, Mr. Pudgy runs Fresh Fries Pte Ltd, an e-commerce incubator in Somecountry. Mr. Oh, Chief Executive Officer/Member of the Board (24.87%) - Mr. OH has 19 years of work experience in the United States and in the Peterpiper in banking, technology, property, manufacturing and trading. Mr. OH was CEO for XYZ Allied Industry from 1993 until early 1997. He also owns and runs the Peterpiper Off-Line (POL) partner in Ceylon and Wonka Wonder. POL is a traditional ISP, serving individual and small businesses in Ceylon. Wonka Wonder is a small chain of Internet cafes located in Molina and Ceylon. The Oh family is highly respected in the Peterpiper with several members of the family having held public offices (former President, Senators, and a former Governor of Ceylon). TG O, Member of the Board/Chief Technical Officer (19.48%)- Mr. O has over 10 years experience in the field of engineering, management, and finance. Mr. O is currently Managing Director of Glowinthedark, a civil engineering firm based in Somecountry. Mr. O's father was President of Somecountry and retired from politics in September of 1999. RS. W, Member of the Board/Managing Director USA (25.3%) - Mr. W has founded five companies in the San Francisco bay area in the financial and technology fields. His core business is a California Certified Public Accounting firm, which has completed international transactions since 1980. His other active companies are in the computer systems and design area. He is also a cofounder of a business valuation firm, which values businesses throughout the United States for merger, acquisition, estate, and litigation purposes.

hey! i know these guys! i almost met Mr. O before when i was in Somecountry but was too lazy to go out of the hotel. Mr. W on the other hand is the old guy whom he used to talk about all the time. they became friends when he was still in his teens. hmmm....i wonder what these guys are up to.

stop surfing the net!

makes me wonder...is he really a flirt? i know for a fact that flight attendants from different countries fancy him. does he flirt around inflight? i'm damn certain he is well aware that is is v. good looking. a towering heart throb. he has this inner regalness in him. makes a lot of sense, his great grand father was the president.

he once mentioned to me that we were related. huh?! even got the time to trace our roots amidst running his companies and travelling around the world?

wait. i need a man. i can't open my freaking bottled water! help! i have to admit it...women can't live without men. and guys on the other hand loves it when they are needed.

i used to miss his calls though. and sometimes he would show up in the hotel...wherever that is. the world was our playground.

i'm serious now. i need to open my water. i woke up in the middle of the night. jetlaggin'. why in the world did i not bring anything to eat? why? and this is the only time that i could not muster any energy to go out and have dinner with my friends. gullible and gulliver.

gullible is my friend from way back. met him through my ex-bf. he was actually the best friend of my ex. now he is mine! mwahahahaha!

gulliver is a jewish room mate of my friend gullible. he was the director of the counterpart of Ralph Lauren. until last december...well that's another story altogether! maybe next time.

i'm in manhattan jetlaggin' got nothing to eat. poor me. tom i shall feast! i hope chaty will give me call tom. we are going to watch "Journey to the center of the earth" whatever that is. i know i heard it somewhere. i am soooo outdated. i have not seen a good movie in years! what is wrong with me? haaaaayyy....

uh oh

monday the whole day i set my mobile phone in silent mode. at 6:30pm i decided to switch it back to it's normal mode.


as if on a cue i suddenly got a msg...


mr. oh sent me a text message. the usual pleasantries...

hello. (wasn't i just thinking about him the other night?)

how are you? are you in molina? (i wasn't...hmmmm....wonder what if i was)

but this time around his tone was different (as if i could hear his voice).

been having dreams me you (wow!)

Funny huh? (maybe because i was thinking about him the other day)

what were you thinking? (i was actually thinking about him and his friends because i met some of his friends in china recently. pudgy - a HEC teacher and Wharton proffesor teaching negotiations worldwide. lanky - a retired ex-alcoholic...living in china and receiving money from his company in the U.S. monthly. china boy - student of pudgy in hong kong whom was entrusted to him by boy's parents. a funny bunch. pudgy tried to fish for whatever he can get from me. lanky said he has been hearing about me. china boy has been a helpful translator esp. when bargaining)

I don't really have friends. I'm pretty much a loner (fine if that's what he said)

How are the kids? (they're good. i love the little one)

then there was a long and deafening silence.

How are you? how are things? (i've been so so) how can he be so so if he is having an affair? heard it from a reliable source. maybe i heard it wrong. maybe he said "i've seen a soso"?

What do you mean so so? (i just try to get by. so many things in my mind)

Like recession and stuff like that? (like the kids. they are all i live for)

Why? Are you ok? Remember I am always here for you. (Really?)

uh-oh! that didn't come accross the right way. he sounded like he got excited. maybe he thinks i still like him or that there is something there that wasn't there before? hmmm.....

what is your .hue and .gli i will call you (huh?! say what?)

I'm sorry (what is he saying sorry for? is he even talking to me?)

sorry for what happened 10 years ago (now that's a major problem! i can't remember what happened 10 years ago! that is like a decade my dear! hmmm...lemme think...broke his heart or broke my heart? i really can't remember. can someone pls remind me of what happened? anyone? please?)

It's okay. We learn from our mistakes

can i call you tom? (let's see...can he call me tom? nope! i'll be going to new york tom)

uh-oh...did i get myself into trouble again? have to know his intentions. how did i sound when i said i am here for him? hmmm....men...they will hear what they want to hear and think what they want to think. this guy was everyone's crush back then. regal. v. regal. bumped into him not too long ago. he was going to attend a seminar at wharton. feelings? nothing.

now i want to know what made him send me a message. was it the constant nagging of pudgy? i know he likes me. i know he thinks i am better than the girl from molina. whatever!

My kind of flight

As a flight attendant of an asian carrier my flying life is repressed. There are so much pent up emotions that each of us hold as we try to appear genuine with that pasted smiles on our faces.

Now this would be my dream PA announcement:

Ladies and Gentlemen, we would like to apologize for any inconvenience due to the delay of this flight. There is nothing you can do anyway, so let us just all be merry, don't be grumpy and quit complaining. It will save you a lot of Botox money.

Our flight has been delayed due to technical problems. Please wait for further announcement for an update of this flight's delay. Unless you'd like to fly with a broken landing gear...(Flight attendant looks around) you do have a choice...whoever wants to go on and fly with broken landing gears please raise your hand. (looks around and sees no one raising his hands) okay. I take it that we are all willing to patiently wait. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

inflight:

"Please open your tray tables now as we are about to serve the meals (making the announcement so loud that even the passengers who are sleeping will wake up and listen). All of you who wants chicken raise your hand as the FAs reach your row. For fish just keep your hands down and keep quiet. No sudden movements please. As it will distract the concentration of the FAs.

We only serve water, orange juice and apple juice as it is good for you. We would recommend you however to choose water because it has zero calories. As the FAs reach your row and hand you the trays make an "O" sign with your hand for Orange juice, an "A" over your head like when you spell YMCA for Apple juice and for those who want water just keep your hands down.

Upon collection of the trays we ask you not to stack up the components altogether as this will make our lives harder. All leftover liquids must be poured on the coffee cup or inside your main course tin container. If it is full, please ask your seatmate if you may pour your liduids on his.

Please do not stand up and go to the toilets until after we clear your trays. We ask you not to give the trays to any of us since we won't have space for that in the galleys. If you think you are helping us by leaving the trays in the galley, you're wrong. This makes the galley unaccessible and cluttered.

Please be nice to the FAs because they handle your food with care. You'll never find out what goes behind that curtain!

Please calculate the time if you are going to the toilets. It should be anytime before the meal service so that you will not have to squeeze through those narrow aisles with food carts blocking your way and up to 10 minutes before landing. Those who miscalculate will risk holding their business or doing it on their seat.

Ladies and gentlemen we have just landed safely, thanks God. Pardon the terrible landing of the Captain though. Please don't panic, we are still on earth. You have not met your Creator yet. (whispers) Good thing I have nine lives.

This is not a race. So the passengers at the back I'm telling you now "there is no chance for you to be the first one to get off this plane. I repeat, no chance. So quit trying.

Thank you for flying with us and making our lives easier. Happy and helpful passengers means happy crew. Happy crew means safe flight. (imagine if you were the crew in an emergency landing...would you save a nasty passenger who just shouted at you?)

Just one more thing before you go. Please leave the overhead lockers open when you get your bags because we need to open that anyway. And if you feel like opening the others as well, you are more than welcome to do so.

Ensure that you have all your belongings with you before you go. More often than not, after passengers come back and look for their so-called "missing stuff" which is actually just inside their bags or companion's bags the whole time.

Thank you for flying with us and have a good evening."

envy

envy is poison. a poison that flows through the veins of your soul. it seeps into the crevices of your being. it leads to destruction of bridges and trees that holds your wholeness upright.

to the enhancement of your existence no contributions are quite apparent. the demons in your mind amazingly perform wonders. i hear not the bees. (this was written when i was drunk)


(now that i am sober)

envy can smell the weak of heart. sniffing and lurking in the dark like a hunter in a camouflage. it will suck the light out of you. climb the comforts of your senses.


i pity you, you envious bitch. seeing your eyes travel through unsuspecting dumb people who they think they know you. unlucky you that i have an eye. unlucky me that you live close by. i warn you though...cross the line and you'll get a taste of me.


i will just count the days from today and from you i will stay away. it's time to weed out unwelcome entities. like the car you will be outside my bubble where real people flourish.


ta tah!